How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
