Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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