shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Who died my cat blue again?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
