dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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