I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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