I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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