so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
