I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
