Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize