I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
