I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
