i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
