Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
