my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
ugly people sure do ruin things
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
