you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
