The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
