What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
