Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
