Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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