After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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