It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
