Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
