I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize