dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
