This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
