Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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