I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
