your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
