It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i think my cat just said my name.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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