my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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