i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize