So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
