I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
