I got her a Nickelback box set.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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