Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
