I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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