Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
