i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
