just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize