then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize