Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
