I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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