Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
