Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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