You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
