Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
