broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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