but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
