i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I would fuck him just for his dog
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize