Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
