Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
NoShamevember. You game?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
