We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
