Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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