yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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