If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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