Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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