Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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