No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
