Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
