I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
