yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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