The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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