I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
