how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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