I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
