My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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