My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Randomize
