My friends, they love my intelligence
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
